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Goldie Hawn

  1. Jeannine Riley, Li'l Abner, TV, 1967.
    Goldie meets the casting couch... Abner cartoonist Al Capp had guys like Bobby looking out on the street for fresh girls for him. “He’s a national institution,” Bobby said as he invited her to meet Capp, casting his new creation, Tenderleaf Ericcson, in a Li’l pilot. “Al Capp is going to make you a big star,” Bobby told the young dancer at the World’s Fair Texas Pavilion. At Capp’s 400 Park Avenue apartment, she read for Tenderleaf and then - “but she’s the lead!” - for Daisy Mae.  “Let me see your legs.” She raised her skirt. “Higher... Higher.” Then, recalls Goldie, Capp “parted his silk robe to reveal a flaccid penis resting against his wooden leg." Then she told him: “Mr Capp, I will never, ever get a job like this.” “Then go back and marry a Jewish dentist,” he spat at her. “I’ve had them all, you know, much better than you... get the hell out of here,” throwing a $20 bill at her for her train to Long Island. It was another two years before Capp’s pilot was seen. Goldie cabled congratulations: “As you can see I didn’t have to marry a Jewish dentist after all.” Capp tried another pilot in 1971. Also flaccid.

  2. Mia Farrow, Rosemary’s Baby, 1968.    That would have been one giggly baby! Talk about off-beat. The Laugh-In giggler tested with Disney’s Dean Jones.
  3. Jane Seymour, Live and Let Die, 1973.
  4. Karen Black, Day of the Locust, 1974.    One bad year for Goldie. The protracted filming of (the hardly seen) The Girl From Petrovka played havoc with her schedule.
  5. Cybill Shepherd, Taxi Driver, 1975.
  6. Barbara Harris, Family Plot, 1975.   Goldie, Liza Minnelli and - surprise, surprise! - even Beverly Sills (“America’s Queen of Opera”) were in Alfred Hitchcock’s frame for Blanche in, alas, his final film. Until he fell - again - for Harris, a delightful actress he had tried to hire in the past. Hitchcock as prepping The Short Night when he died, at age 80, on April 29, 1980.
  7. Susan Sarandon, Pretty Baby, 1977.   The rôle was horrendous - a prostitute allowing her 12-year-old daughter’s virginity to be auctioned off in a brothel in the red-light Storyville district of New Orleans, circa 1917. Elegant French director Louis Malle saw 28 possible little Violets - and another 15 actresses for her mother: Hawn (she preferred Foul Play), Candice Bergen, Cher, Glenn Close (passed), Mia Farrow, Farrah Fawcett (passed), Jane Fonda (with Jodie Foster as her daughter), Anjelica Huston, Diane Keaton, Liza Minnelli, Cybil Shepherd, Sissy Spacek, Meryl Streep, Sigourney Weaver. Malle and Sarandon became lovers and also made Atlantic City together in 1980… the year he married Bergen until his 1995 death.
  8. Valerie Perrine, Superman, 1978.
  9. Liza Minnelli, Arthur, 1980.     Brand new auteur Steve Gordon knew exactly who was perfect. Dudley Moore as the titular rich drunk man-child and Minnelli as his lady. Orion Pictures also considered Goldie, Mia Farrow, Farrah Fawcett, Carrie Fisher, Barbara Hershey, Diane Keaton, Jessica Lange, Kay Lenz (1972’s Breezy, already looking for a comeback), Bette Midler, Gilda Radner, Susan Sarandon, Cybill Sehpherd… even Meryl Streep, Debra Winger. Plus Tuesday Weld - in the throes of divorcing the titular Dud.  Gordon made it a big hit, but never a second film - he died at 44 in 1982.
  10. Jessica Lange, Frances,1982.      Howard Hawks  said  she always seemed to be shining. “More talent than anyone I ever worked with.”She and Vivien Leigh were beaten by Ingrid Bergman toFor Whom The Bell Tolls, 1943 She’s the subject of various books, plays (vizSally Clarke’s Saint Frances of Hollywood),  pop and rock songs - French-Canadian singer MylèneFarmer even took her name. All actresses loved her talent and guts (when wrongfully committed to asylums by her parents) and 23  wanted to be…  Frances Farmer.  From the sublime to the ridiculous: Meryl Streep, to Susan Dey  of TV’s Partridge Family. Kim Basinger tested with Sam Shepard (Lange’s husband). Undaunted Susan Blakely made her own 1983  TVersion (from Farmer’s book, Will There Really Be A Morning?). Plus Anne Archer, Ann-Margret, Blythe Danner, Patty Duke, Mia Farrow, Sally Field, Jane Fonda, Goldie Hawn, Glenda Jackson, Diane Keaton, Liza Minnelli, Michelle Phillips, Katharine Ross, Susan Sarandon, Cybill Shepherd, Sissy Spacek, Tuesday Weld, Natalie Wood.
  11. Kate Jackson, Making Love, 1982.     Blame it on the fans... Goldie was game to escape her image and be the wife finding out that hubby is bi, maybe gay. But she knew her image would spoil it.

  12. Linda Hamilton, The Terminator, 1983.       
    In all, 55 actresses were considered, seen or tested for Sarah Connor (aged 18; Linda was 27) opposite Arnold Schwarzenegger. James Cameron auteured Sarah for Bridget Fonda. She passed; so did Tatum O’Neal.     He decided to go older… and Glenn Close won - her schedule didn’t agree. OK, Kate Capshaw! No, she was tied to Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom - and Kathleen Turner was Romancing The Stone. Debra Winger won her audition,   said yes… then no. The other 48 ladies were The ’80s Group: Rosanna Arquette, Kim Basinger, Christy Brinkley, Colleen Camp, Jamie Lee Curtis, Geena Davis, Judy Davis, Mia Farrow, Carrie Fisher, Jodie Foster, Teri Garr, Jennifer Grey, Melanie Griffith, Darryl Hannah, Barbara Hershey, Anjelica Huston, Amy Irving, Diane Keaton, Margot Kidder, Diane Lane, Jessica Lange, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Kay Lenz, Heather Locklear, Lori Loughlin, Kelly McGillis, Kristy McNichol, Michelle Pfeiffer, Deborah Raffin, Meg Ryan, Susan Sarandon, Ally Sheedy, Cybill Shepherd, Brooke Shields, Sissy Spacek, Sharon Stone,     Lea Thompson, Sigourney Weaver… one aerobics queen, Bess Motta (she became Sarah’s room-mate, Ginger Ventura), two singers (Madonna, Liza Minnelli), two Brits (Miranda Richardson, Jane Seymour), five essentially funny girls, Goldie Hawn, Rhea Perlman (Mrs Danny De Vito), Gilda Radner, Mary Tyler Moore…plus the new MTM, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, from Saturday Night Live. Most were in contention again a few years later for Fatal Attraction (won by Close) and The Accused (going to Foster and McGillis). Ten years later (after T2), Linda gave birth to Cameron’s daughter and Josephine’s parents wed in 1997… for two years.

  13. Lily Tomlin, All Of Me, 1984.     An exchange of Laugh In graduates for Phil Auden Robinson's script - no Field of Dreams.
  14. Rosanna Arquette, Desperately Seeking Susan, 1985.     Warner’s idea of casting young. Goldie was 40.
  15. Glenn Close, Fatal Attraction, 1987.
  16. Kelly McGillis, The Accused, 1988.  Paramount suits saw 40 young actresses for the (real life) gang rape victim. Or, their own rape bait fantasies… such as 16-year-old Alyssa Milano! And a further 27 for her lawyer. Including Fatal Attraction also-rans from Hawn, Geena Davis, Tuesday Weld - to Diane Keaton Meryl Streep and Debra Winger, who were offered both roles. Plus Beverly D’Angelo, Blythe Danner, Sally Field, Carrie Fisher, Teri Garr, Mary Gross, Barbara Hershey, Kathleen Turner, Sigourney Weaver, Dianne Wiest. A 1982 rape victim herself, McGillis refused the lead. She had no wish to revisit the horror and pain of her own assault six years earlier. She had no wish to revisit the horror and pain of her own assault six years earlier. Obviously. However, she agreed to play Sarah’s defence attorney - on condition that the studio-described “unsexy” Jodie, and no one else, played Sarah! The suits caved, tested Foster and the rest is Oscar history… dated March 29, 1989.
  17. Melanie Griffith, Working Girl, 1988.     Idem for Warner’s idea of casting young.
  18. Lily Tomlin, Big Business, 1988.     Goldie in Shakespeare!!! The two sets of twin sisters in this modern update of The Comedy Of Errors were written for Goldie and Barbra Streisand. That they didn’t accept them  is best explained in Chicago critic Roger  Ebert’s review: “This ought to have inspired a funny movie, but instead... it inspires... an endless and dreary series of scenes in which the various twins just barely miss running into each other.”
  19. Joan Cusack, My Blue Heaven, 1990.     Although Nora Ephron wrote the DA for her, Goldie simply exec-produced and waited two more years before joining Steve Martin on-screen. And Housesitter was not worth the wait.
  20. Geena Davis, Thelma & Louise, 1990.

  21. Sally Kirkland, JFK, 1991.
  22. Chistine Lahti, Leaving Normal, 1992.     Thelma & Louise - The Allternative Version... Faced with an onslaught of requests from Goldie, Barbara Hershey and apparently Jessica Lange. (Like Goldie, Lange had been up,for the Ridley Scott classic).   Edward Zwick said his decision “was entirely visceral. Christine has many colours as an actress that are right for this role” of a free-spirited waitress. And, at 40, she was also, ssh, the youngest chasing it.
  23. Dolly Parton, Straight Talk, 1992.     “I had it for seven years,” said Dolly. “Bette had it. Then, Goldie and Julia. In the end, I had to say: Can I have my script back?” Not that it did her (or James Woods) much good. Dolly has not made another cinema movie.
  24. Patty Duke, Last Wish, TV, 1992.     Betty Rollins’ 1985 best-seller about assisting her mother to die became a (standard) tele-flick when Goldie’s much-travelled option lapsed. No takers at Warners, MGM or Disney.
  25. Wendy Crewson, The Santa Clause, 1994.     Scott Calvin aka Santa  went through eight  possibilities (from Harrisopn Ford to the winning Tim Allen), compared to seven women for his ex: Crewson, Goldie, Kate Burton, Patricia Clarkson, Sally Field, Patrica Heaton and Pamela Reed.
  26. Farrah Fawcett, Dr T and the Women, 2000.  From the outset, Goldie was set as the wife of the pussy-whipped gynaecologist Richard Gere with her own daughter, Kate Hudson, as her daughter. Kate stayed firm with  her Lesbian kissing scene while Goldie quit due to the breakdown  sequence where Mrs T strips naked in a shopping mall. 
  27. Shelley Long, Dr T and the Women, 2000. Director Robert Altman then offeed her Carolyn, Dr T’s devoted nurse who runs his office and fancies herself as his wife. Altman came thisclose to  calling the film... Pussy.
  28. Nathalie Baye, Absolument Fabuleux, France, 2000.     The first attempt to transfer AbFab to the big screen came from Goldie and Bette Midler - at Disney. Creator Jennifer Saunders pulled out, positive that Hollywood would dilute the political incorrectness “and make it unfunny.” Warners did exactly that (and worse) with a US TVersion, High Society, with Mary McDonnell, Jean Smart.Then, Saunders inexplicably allowed the French to make a right merde out of it. Goldie and Midler got it on with First Wives Club, 1996.
  29. Renée Zellweger, Chicago, 2002.
  30. Christine Baranski, Chicago, 2001.

  31. Olivia Wilde, Butter, 2010. Hudson suddenly preferred Something Borrowed, and Wilde took over in the dark comedy about, of all topics,… butter sculpting.   Really!
  32. The Viagra Diaries, TV, 2012.       A 65-year-old being single again for the first time in 35 years - that was going to be Goldie’s comebacka full decade after her last gig, The Banger Sisters, in 2002.But her various hassles led to a divorce from HBO and (Sex and the City) creator-producer Darren Star.
  33. Jane Fonda, This Is Where I Leave You, 2013.   Like directors, the actresses kept changing. Only Kathryn Hahn survived the shuffling… to  discover if  there’s anything worse than your father dying, it’s going home for the funeral  - a whole week with  an over-sharing mother, siblings, spouses, exes and assorted wannabes.
  34. Emily Blunt, Into The Woods, 2013.  











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