Payday Loans
Jerry Seinfeld

  1. Matthew Modine, Bye Bye Love, 1995.     While his great TV rival, Tim Allen, was prepping film plans at Disney, Seinfeld and manager George Shapiro said there was no time for the Gary David Goldberg project.  The comic's month off was better spent back on the stand-up trail. “That's all I can do. That’s what a comedian is. Our thing is not disappearing into other characters. It’s being this character that you are.”
  2. Wayne Wildersen, AI Artificial Intelligence, 2000.    “I never get offered things that I could really bring something special to.” The role was… Comedian! Spielberg should have known better.
  3. Sam Rockwell, Heist, 2001.     “I never get offered things that I could really bring something special to.” Not even this David Mamet heist, hailed by Chicago Sun-Times critic Roger  Ebert as  “the kind of caper movie that was made before special effects replaced wit, construction and intelligence. It is about its characters.”  Danny DeVito had the most Seinfeldian line: “Everybody needs money! That’s why they call it money!” 
  4. Johnny Depp, Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, 2004.       Director Tim Burton’s 32 fancies for chocolatier Willy Wonka were, his ole Betelgeuse, Michael Keaton, Senfeld (get out!), Rowan Atkinson, Dan Aykroyd, Nicolas Cage, Jim Carrey, Chevy Chase, Warwick Davis, Robert De Niro, James Gandolfini, Dwayne Johnson, Ian McKellen, Marilyn Manson, Steve Martin, Bill Murray, Mike Myers, John Neville, Leslie Nielsen, Brad Pitt, Peter Sallis, Adam Sandler, Will Smith, Patrick Stewart, Ben Stiller, Christopher Walken, Robin Williams. And the surviving Monty Python crew (also up for the 1970 version): John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, Michael Palin. Among the five exec producers, author Roald Dahl’s widow, Liccy, wanted her husband’s favourite Willy - Dustin Hoffman. If not possible she voted for UK comics, Eddie Izzard or David Walliams. She was quite happy with Depp… who found Willy’s voice while riffing on a stoned George W Bush!
  5. Will Ferrell, Bewitched, 2004.   For inexplicable reasons, Hollywood kept trying to make a movie out of the 1968-1972 ABC sitcom about a good-looking witch with a wriggly nose and a klutzy hubby. In 1993, Penny Marshall assembled a knockout cast. Meryl Streep as Samantha, Robin Williams as Uncle Arthur, Shelley Winters as Gladys Kravitz. And the Dagwoodish husband being played, alternately, by Seinfeld and Billy Crystal… as a nod to how Dick Sargent replaced  an ailing Dick York  after 170 episodes as the tele-Darrin in 1969.  Never happened.  Or not that way. 

 





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