Crawley's Casting Calls

Harry Enfield

Posted on 6 November 2023by Tony CrawleyCategories:Actors

Peter Richardson, Carry On Columbus, 1992. The TV comic was delighted to be invited to join the Carry Ongang. Until hearing that most of the regulars had refused the script that Barbara Windsor, for one, called crap. So he quit the 31st, and final Carry On. In 2004, this was was voted – by UK film pros – as the worst British film ever made. Yet it made more money in Britain than the straight versions: 1492: The Conquest iof Paradise and Christopher Columbus: The Discovery, 1992, starring such heavyweights as Depardieu and Brando!

Birth year: Death year: Other name: Casting Calls: 1

WELCOME

to a unique directory of what you never saw on-screen. The films the stars did not make. The movies that never were. The most definitive collation of casting stories. Check up on all the films - of yesterday, today and tomorrow - that your favourite stars never made... A cast of thousands - 8,063 actors - to click on... More than 40 years in the making! And 2,777,633 words of spirited text.

The ultimate in movie trivia ... Better! Exactly the kind of history that Hollywood deserves. Back to front. Upside-down. Inside out. Full of flashbacks, close-ups, tracking shots (and, alas some badly edited sequences - sorry about that!) forming a fascinating, new and often bizarre flip-side perspective on your treasured movies and stars

MOUSE HOUSE

**Jeff Bridges is Kevin Flynn. Like who else**?

Disney is determined to make us suffer. They’re making Tron 3. The others never worked. The perfectly named #2 was so bad I expected to find Keanu Reeves in it. New hero is Evan Peters and producer Jared Leto is bringing Kevin Flynn back – aka Jeff Bridges, at age 75. He was 32 for the first film in ‘81. Leto also plays Ares which was part of the title (Tron Ares) until someone was canny enough to realise what damage a simple typo could cause.

The Mouse House loves live-actioning its top toons… Aladdin, Cinderella, Dumbo, Jungle Book, Lion King, 101 Dalmatians, etc. Now it’s Snow White, first tooned in 1936. Snowy is Rachel Zegler, the girl named Maria in Spielberg’s West Side Story. Once upon a time the idea was Snow White and the Seven Magical Creatures - heroes of differing sexes, ethnicities, heights and salaries.

FUNSTERS

Liam Neeson-Pamela Anderson succeed Leslie Nielsen-Priscilla Presley (Bo Derek was first choice) in the new Naked Gun ventures of the US Inspector Clouseau – LAPD Captain Frank Drebin. But then in 1988, we never thought the similarly straight-laced Nielsen could be hilarious. I never expected Liam to land up here (more like The Arnold Palmer Story) but he refused the new Fantastic Four to be the (apparently) not so defective detective. Where’s the fun in that!
The Wayans brothers (Keenan Ivory, Shawn, Marlon) have re-opened theirfamily biz – Scary Movie – where they write, produce, direct and perform horror spoofs. They did the first two in 1999 and 2000 and have returned now for #5. Initial targets were 90s’ hits like I Know What You Did Last Summer… also being redrawn asI Never Forgot What You Did Last Summer. With the original star, Freddie Prinze Jr; Camila Mendes (nearly the new Lois Lane) had to leave to be Teela, daughter of a Master of the Universe.

LITTLE JOHN

Even the French are at it… Having already become the 50th (or so) Zorro, Jean Dujardin – the French Oscar-winner for The Artist - is L'Homme Qui Rétrécit in a Paris look at Richard Matheson’s book, The Incredible, Shrinking Man, made by Universal in 1956 with Grant Williams (instead of Dan O’Herlihy) as the tiny hero. Eddie Murphy wanted to re-do it in 2008. Jean has been a Little John before… opposite Virginie Efira in the 2015 rom-com Up For Love, itself a French spin on a 2014 Argentinian comedy, Corazón de León.

SEQUELISATIONS

**The 1986 dirty dancers: Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey**

“I’ve already started drawing Gladiator III,” says Ridley Scott. He’s not alone. Coming shortly to a cinema (or streamer) near you… #2s (!) of The Accountant, The Bad Guys, The Black Phone, Den of Thieves, Dirty Dancing, Five Nights at Freddy’s, Happy Gilmore, Megan, Mortal Kombat, Nobody, Wicked, Zootopia… and, some 25 years later,Kevin Smith promises Dogma 2... Then there’s #3s of Black Panther, The Conjuring, Downton Abbey, Now You See Me. Paddington in Peru (hey, Paddi Goes to Downton would be a swell idea), Wallace & Gromit… #4s of Bridget Jones, Jurassic World… Has Fallen 5, Ice Age 6, Scream 7… #8 of Cruise: Impossible and #11 of Fast and Saw!
Oh, and Sir Ridley is planning The Battle of Britain. The ’68 one had everybody in it - Caine, Jürgens, McShane, Olivier, Robert Shaw, Susannah York. So… squadron Leader Paul Mescal?

PS. By the way, Adam Driver’s Paper Tiger has nothing to do with the 1974 David Niven-Toshirō Mifune thriller.

CHAMPION'S LEAGUE

Game over! Recently, we’ve seen Marlon Brando leading Jack Nicholson by one or two movies he chose not to make – and then, almost immediately, vice-versa. The gap is much wider now. We’ve found two more titles for Jack – Wall Street, Scent of a Woman - and just one extra for Marlon (The Killer Inside Me). Result: Jack now tops the league with 179 films compared to Brando’s 173. Unless you’re telling me Marlon refused Churchill, Gandhi, Goldfinger, two Sergio Leones plus Emmanuelle and Carry On Cleo…

Jack Nicholson – 179
Marlon Brando – 176
Paul Newman – 160
Cary Grant – 150
Robert De Niro – 140
Tom Cruise – 135
Dustin Hoffman – 126
Mel Gibson – 118
Sean Connery, Al Pacino – 117

Highest Brit remains, as always, Sir Sean at 117… followed by Laurence OIivier, 93; Richard Burton, 87; Peter O’Toole, 79; Elizabeth Taylor, 73; Peter Sellers, 72; Dirk Bogarde and James Mason, 68; Olivia De Havilland, 58; Gary Oldman and Vivien Leigh, 57.

Highest lady is Bette Davis, 97; Jodie Foster, 84; Michelle Pfeiffer, 81; Katharine Hepburn, 79; Michelle Pfeiffer, 78; Julie Christie, 76; Meryl Streep, 75; Elizabeth Taylor,73; Nicole Kidman, 72; Jane Fonda, 70; Julia Roberts, 68.

Younger Brigade: Johnny Depp,108; Leo, 75; Jim Carrey, 70; Madonna, 62; Natalie Portman, 57; Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, 40; Bridget Fonda, 36; Scarlett Johansson, Angelina Jolie and Uma Thurman, 35;, Jake Gyllenhaal, 33; Ben Affleck, 1.

(You'll find the full list at Champions in the Main Menu)

"THE HORROR ..."

Oldest title being dug up is Nosferatu, the first Dracula film, even though he was actually called Count Orlok in 1921 - a magic teaming of director FW Murnau and actor Max Shreck. German film-maker Werner Herzog (The Client in Mandalorian for today’s generation) called itthe greatest German film ever made. And promptly re-made it in 1978!! American Robert Eggers makes a better job of it, with Bill Skarsgård (ex-It, ex-Crow) as the ex-alive Orlok. Plus a staggering turn from Lily-Rose Depp

The other great horror ikon is, of course, Frankenstein - 187 films (!) since 1910. Two more open soon. That means two Frankies and two Monsters. After planning his take for years, Mexico’ Guillermo del Toro chose Oscar Isaac and Jacob Elordi (instead of Andrew Garfield). Meanwhile, Jake Gyllenhaal and Christian Bale occupy the same roles in The Bride!, based on 1935’s The Bride of Frankenstein, when she was the UK’s Elsa Lanchester but billed as “?”.Now she’s another Brit, Jessie Buckley Jake’s older sister, Maggie, writer-directed.

Another standard, Wolf Man, actually opens Re-Run Year on January 17. Back In 1941, ‘twas a battle between Universal’s horror royalty. Created for The Guv’nor, Boris Karloff, it was desired by Bela Lugosi and won by Lon Chaney Jr – matching his famous father’s penchant for horrible make-up. After Ryan Gosling had to quit, the fella in need of a shave went to Christopher Abbott (also in East of Eden). And Julia Garner is Julia Garner. ‘Nuff said!

"I can't believe anyone still knows who Carrie is!" That was Sissy Spacek. But we still do, Sis. That’s why Amazon MGM (the busiest re-treader) ordered a series based on the book that made a superstar of Stephen King (spelled Steven in the trailer!). The 1976 Carrie-dates had included Linda Blair, Melanie Griffith, Farrah Fawcett, Amy Irving (the first Mrs Spielberg), the inevitable Kay Lenz, even Meryl Streep (at 27) – until art director Jack Fisk suggested his missus. Sissy was 25, Carrie was 16. Instant stars, both. So was a kid called Travolta.

Elle Fanning is bravely tackling Predator - a 1986 title which has taken on whole new and horrific meaning in filmdom. Plus TV, music, sport, education and, of course, politics. So this re-spin has a sub-title: Badlands. Top critic Roger Ebert said first one began like Rambo and ended like Alien.

Julia Garner’s also re-cycling Rosemary’s Baby as Apartment 7A. They call it a prequel, not a sequel, as it takes place before Mia Farrow’s tale about another girl falling victim to Satanists. Julia is a budding actress called Terry – briefly played by Victoria Vetri in Roman Polanski’s ‘67 classic, before committing suicide. Now we’ll find out why… (Victoria was supposed to be dining with Sharon Tate on the night of the Manson murders).

Hollywood’s new horror queen, ex-kiteboarder Maika Monroe (from Longlegs, Watcher) is the baddest nanny in town for a vengeance trip adaptation of Rebecca De Mornay’s 1991 chiller, The Hand That Rocks the Cradle - from Mexican cineaste Michelle Garza Cervera.Anaconda is no new Bond Girl, but the massive (up to 30 foot) snake – a serpentine Jaws in 1997. Harrison, Jack and Sean were sought for what can only be termed The Robert Shaw Role! Opposite the (surely too young) Jennifer Aniston, Kim Basinger or Nicole Kidman. Today, Jack Black and Paul Rudd head what is now a comedy. Always was for me.

And, of course, there has to be a new Godzilla. There’s been 38 since 1954. Kurosawa, Spielberg, Lucas, Scorsese, Carpenter were all fans of the monster Gojira (combining the Japanese for gorilla and whale). Takashi Yamazaki, the wizard auteur-director-visual effects supervisor of Godzilla Minus One, remains in charge.