Crawley's Casting Calls

Frank Caliendo

Posted on 6 November 2023by Tony CrawleyCategories:Actors

Kevin P Farley, An American Carol, 2007. “I love America. That’s why I wanna destroy it.” Chicago impressionist Caliendo and Seinfeld postman Wayne Knight refused auteur David Zucker’s surprisingly weak send-up of docu-maker Michael Moore – visited by the ghosts of JFK, Patton and Washington when trying to abolish July 14. Farley is the look-alike brother of the late comic, Chris Farley. And this must be the only movie featuring both Dennis Hopper and… Fox News blowhard Bill Reilly.

Birth year: Death year: Other name: Casting Calls: 1

WELCOME

to a unique directory of what you never saw on-screen. The films the stars did not make. The movies that never were. The most definitive collation of casting stories. Check up on all the films - of yesterday, today and tomorrow - that your favourite stars never made... A cast of thousands - 8,063 actors - to click on... More than 40 years in the making! And 2,777,633 words of spirited text.

The ultimate in movie trivia ... Better! Exactly the kind of history that Hollywood deserves. Back to front. Upside-down. Inside out. Full of flashbacks, close-ups, tracking shots (and, alas some badly edited sequences - sorry about that!) forming a fascinating, new and often bizarre flip-side perspective on your treasured movies and stars

HE SAID

“Sometimes I feel I’d like to do stand-up material again. But you’ve got to stand up there for an hour. I mean, it’s different to stand up for five minutes.” – Woody Allen at 88.

“As Cesar [Adam Driver’s character in Megalopolis] says, we’re all one family. You’re all my cousins. We are one. We are the human family. As you see at the end, that’s who we should pledge our allegiance to: our entire family and to this beautiful home, Earth, that we have. That’s my wish. That it’s the children who are going to inherit this beautiful world from us. The most important word we have is the most beautiful word in any language: esperanza. Hope .” – Francis Ford Coppola.

“There’s never been a more beautiful man on-screen,” – Chris Hemsworth on Brad Pitt.

“When we grew up – Muhammad Ali and JFK and Sean Connery. Those were men. We wanted to be like them. They were all witty and handsome and had broad shoulders. Hugh Grant has the shoulders. He has the wit. He likes to drink. He knows how to have fun. He knows how to put people at ease.” – Jerry Seinfeld on Hugh Grant.

“‘If I play it in a concert hall now, just like if you play the Herrmann Psycho motif, they laugh. It’s become camp. Which is fine! But it frightened people at the time.” – John Williams on his boom-boom-boom Jaws score, among his record 54 Oscar nominations!

“John has been my primary creative partner across my entire film career. And that’s not gonna end until we do.” – Steven Spielberg on John Williams.

“As any artist or any actor or painter, you are always hypercritical of your own work. If you’re not, and you’re satisfied with what you’re doing, that would be death to me. If I watched a performance… and thought, ‘My God, I’m fantastic in this,’ that would be a sad day.” – Gary Oldman on why he calls his Sirius Black in Harry Potter mediocre.

“With my apologies to all the other people I’ve met, he’s my favorite human… Because his charm and funniness is what I dreamed of when I was a kid in the 60s. I wanted to be a charming, witty man. That never happened.” – Jerry Seinfeld, still on Hugh Grant.

CCC CLIPS

>> Recent Oscar-winner Robert Downey Jr is after four next time… He’s playing “all the white guys” in Korean director Park Chan-wook’s The Sympathiser – a US politician, a CIAgent, a college professor and a film-maker.

>> Spielberg and Scorsese - sounds like a law firm – are producing a heavy series based on their 1999 thriller-teaming, Cape Fear… Pierce Brosnan enters werewolf country in Wolfland, second film directed by his son, Sean…

>> Code-named Tiva, the NCIS spin-off about Tony and Ziva – Pablo De Conte and Michel Weatherly - is no longer NCIS: Europe or NCIS: Trust No One but NCIS: Tony and Ziv. How come that took so long…

>> Evangeline Lily – the Lost Kate, Ant Man’s Wasp, Tauriel in three Hobbits and damn nearly Wonder Woman – has retired. Or, “stepped away from Hollywood”… Film-making twins Mark and Michael Polish finally working again, writer-helming half each of There There – dozenth film of Mark’s daughter Logan – Lolo to her mates…

>> Yesssss, Precious! Andy Serkis is returning to Middle Earth to direct and, naturally, star in The Hunt for Gollum. - And staying in Peter Jackson country to be Captain Haddock in Tintin 2 and 3.

>> Bio-picks Jennifer Lawrence will be Ava Gardner (!) in Sinatra…Harry Lawtey (Industry’s Robert) is young Richard Burton when Toby Jones as his mentor, Mr Burton - also with the Welsh Aimee-Ffion Edwards, who has cleverly double whammied Peaky Blinders and Slow Horses.

CHAMPION'S LEAGUE

Game over! Recently, we’ve seen Marlon Brando leading Jack Nicholson by one or two movies he chose not to make – and then, almost immediately, vice-versa. The gap is much wider now. We’ve found two more titles for Jack – Wall Street, Scent of a Woman - and just one extra for Marlon (The Killer Inside Me). Result: Jack now tops the league with 179 films compared to Brando’s 173. Unless you’re telling me Marlon refused Churchill, Gandhi, Goldfinger, two Sergio Leones plus Emmanuelle and Carry On Cleo…

Jack Nicholson – 179
Marlon Brando – 176
Paul Newman – 160
Cary Grant – 150
Robert De Niro – 140
Tom Cruise – 135
Dustin Hoffman – 126
Mel Gibson – 118
Sean Connery, Al Pacino – 117

Highest Brit remains, as always, Sir Sean at 117… followed by Laurence OIivier, 93; Richard Burton, 87; Peter O’Toole, 79; Elizabeth Taylor, 73; Peter Sellers, 72; Dirk Bogarde and James Mason, 68; Olivia De Havilland, 58; Gary Oldman and Vivien Leigh, 57.

Highest lady is Bette Davis, 97; Jodie Foster, 84; Michelle Pfeiffer, 81; Katharine Hepburn, 79; Michelle Pfeiffer, 78; Julie Christie, 76; Meryl Streep, 75; Elizabeth Taylor,73; Nicole Kidman, 72; Jane Fonda, 70; Julia Roberts, 68.

Younger Brigade: Johnny Depp,108; Leo, 75; Jim Carrey, 70; Madonna, 62; Natalie Portman, 57; Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, 40; Bridget Fonda, 36; Scarlett Johansson, Angelina Jolie and Uma Thurman, 35;, Jake Gyllenhaal, 33; Ben Affleck, 1.

(You'll find the full list at Champions in the Main Menu)

A BOND MISS

It’s more doubtful that the next Bond will be Aaron Taylor-Johnson. Not because his name is longer than any 007 title. But from August (and instead of Adam Driver, Brad Pitt, Keanu Reeve or John David Washington,) he has his own Marvel to nuture,. Kraven the Hunter – fifth film in the Spideyverse. (Aaron was an Amazing Spider-Man contender in 2010). He’s also into the WWII bomb heist, Fuze, and joins M-that-was, Ralph Fiennes, in the 28 Years Later chapter from Danny Boyle – who, of course, directed Daniel Craig and his ultimate Bond Girl, The Queen, for the 2012 London Olympics.

SHE SAID

“Everyone’s probably sick of the sight of me for now.” – Margot Robbie.

You know it’s work, it’s always going to be work. A partnership for that long demands a lot of you … I feel like a very lucky woman.” – Kyra Sedgwick on being wed since 1988 to Kevin Bacon, 22 and he 29 at the time.

“I’ve been playing 16-year-olds since I was 16. So it was nice to play a character that was not a child anymore.” – Zenadaya on her sexy Challengers.

“You represent the America of wide spaces, the America of free minds, the America of cinema and the love of culture that we share on both sides of the Atlantic. I will always love you!” – French Culture Minister Rachida Dati awarding Kevin Costner an Arts and Literature award at Cannes.

“My mother, who is usually right about everything, said to me: ‘Meryl, my darling, you’ll see. It all goes so fast. So fast.’ And it has, and it does. Except for my speech, which is too long.” – Meryl Streep getting her latest career award.

“You will not believe how dirty I had to be for it to read [seen] on camera. Seven layers! The first time I looked at myself in the mirror, I looked like a creature from the Black Lagoon.” – Anya Taylor-Joy on Furiosa. “

“I was was told I had no sex appeal when I started in Hollywood. I was like: ‘I’m a Scorpio. I know what I’m like on a Saturday night.” – Anne Hathaway.

Did alcohol ever become a problem? “Only when the bottle ran dry. I drank then. I drink now. I can handle it.” – US actress Jennifer Jordan.

“Larry David asked me to be the worst person in Los Angeles. I was like, ‘There’s so many people to choose from.” – Tracey Ullman on Irma Kostroski, his love interest on Curb Your Enthusiasm.

“So many careers are thrown away by business decisions that boil down to, “Play it safe. Don’t rock the boat. Follow the precedent. Rinse and repeat.” – Margot Robbie

“If you try to make sense of this movie, you’ll feel like you’re losing your mind.” – Cate Blanchett on her Rumours.