Joan Sims

Posted on 6 November 2023by Tony CrawleyCategories:Actors

Dilys Laye, Carry In Cruising, 1961. Ill heath prevented the Carry On regular (in 24 of the 31 farcs) from being in the first Carry On in colour So it was poor Laye suffering rope-burn during the gymnasium scene. Owch! Despite the credits, director Gerald Thomas was also missing. His brother, Ralph, subbed – he’d been here before with a 1954 cruise liner comedy, Doctor At Sea, when the leading lady was rather more special. Brigitte Bardot.
Barbara Murray, Doctor Who #120: Black Orchid, TV, 1982. Despite a wish-list of 18 actresses, this was not a rehash of Sophia Loren’s 1958 Hollywood melo, but an adventure (with cricket!) in 1925 England for Doc5 Peter Davison. The choices for Lady Cranleigh were inevitable – such definitive ladies as Jean Anderson, Renee Asherson, Honor Blackman, Claire Bloom, Faith Brook, Kathleen Byron, Rachel Kempson (mother of Lynn and Vanessa Redgrave), Virginia McKenna, Muriel Pavlow, Maria Redmond, Dinah Sheridan, Elizabeth Spriggs… and 40s’ UK screen queens Phyllis Calvert, Joan Greenwood. But also two comic character stars Beryl Reid and Joan (Carry On) Sims and a Hammer horror icon, Barbara Shelley.
Colette O’Neill, Doctor Who #124: Snakedance, TV, 1982. Judi Dench and Carry On star Joan Sims up for the same part – kidding, right? Nope! Producer John Nathan-Taylor loved rocking the boat. He suggested 14 ladies as Lady Tanha, for when Doc5 Peter Davidson landed on Manussa. The others were Jill Bennett, Eleanor Bron, Elspeth Gray, Sheila Hancock, Jean Marsh, Anna Massey, Kate O’Mara (the future Time Lady Rani), Barbara Shelley, Elizabeth Spriggs, Wanda Ventham (the mother of Benedict Cumberbatch) and Fiona Walker. The Scottish O’Neill had scored 77 mainly UK credits by 2016.
June Whitfield, Carry On Columbus, 1992.
The 31st and final Carry On tried various duos for the King and Queen of Spain. From Frankie Howerd-Joan Sims and Bernard Bresslaw-Barbara Windsor to the almost incestuous notion of the Terry and June sitcom “sibliings,” Terry Scott-June Whitfield. And, finally, June and Leslie Phillips (the most English of Spanish monarchs). Howerd died before filming began and Windsor – the Carry Ons’ Marilyn – said the script was crap. It was – and the cast hated it. In 2004, this was was voted – by UK film pros – as the worst British film ever made. Yet it made more money in Britain than the straight versions:1492: The Conquest iof Paradiseand Christopher Columbus: The Discovery, 1992, starring such heavyweights as Depardieu and Brando! “Joan was the last of the great Carry Ons,” said Windsor.. “She was there at the beginning. She could do any accent, dialect, she could dance, sing, play dowdy and glam. We laughed all the time and giggled a lot.”
Mona Marshall, The Princess and the Cobbler, 1993. Somewhere in the tangled 1961-2013 history of the greatest Richard Williams toon that never was, the Carry On lady disappeared – well, all but – from her two roles of Princess Yum-Yum’s nurse and The Witch. She as replaced by Marshall in the Allied Filmnmakers’ cut…
Toni Collette, Arabian Knight, 1995. …and by Collette in the Harvey Weinstein’s scissorhanded version released by Miramax. Didn’t help
Rosalie Crutchley, A Village Affair, 1995. Change of Great British character ladies when poor Sims (of Carry On fame) busted a rib when rehearsing a bicycle scene. Enter Crutchley – with a career of 163 credits to Joan’s 169.

Birth year: 1930Death year: 2001Other name: Casting Calls: 7

WELCOME

to the films the stars did not make. The movies that never were. The most definitive collation of casting stories. Check up on all the films - of yesterday, today and tomorrow - that your favourite stars never made... A cast of thousands - 8,063 actors - to click on... More than 40 years in the making! And 2,777,633 words of spirited text.

The ultimate in movie trivia ... Better! Exactly the kind of history that Hollywood deserves. Back to front. Upside-down. Inside out. Full of flashbacks, close-ups, tracking shots (and, alas some badly edited sequences - sorry about that!) forming a fascinating, new and often bizarre flip-side perspective on your treasured movies and stars

HE SAID

“They’re doing stuff, but not with me. I’m not doing any more.” – Adam Driver on no more Kylo Ren/Ben Solo ... Or is it that there will be no more Star Wars?

“I’ve been acting for 42 years and then you make one cocktail…” – Stanley Tucci on his new fame as a TV food and cookery expert.

"The point is it's very hard work and you have to really want to do it. It has to be something that you're burning to say." – Martin Scorsese on directing at 80 and thinking “possibly only one more”.

“Whether you are a competent actor, or an artist, is incidental. The main business is: you’re product. I had a hard time steadying myself against that stuff.” – Robert Redford.

“I’ve never done the same thing twice and how many people can say that?” – Tom Hanks… forgetting his two successive Oscars.

“I was so excited when I got the script for Silent Night. There’s no dialogue in the entire movie! I thought this would be very good for me because it lets me use my gifts for telling a story visually. – John Woo on his Hollywood comeback at 77.

“I’ve gotta be nice about Marvel movies, because I named myself after a Stan Lee character named Luke Cage. What am I going to do, put Marvel movies down? Stan Lee is my surrealistic father.” – Nic Cage.

“The man who invented mornings was no Christian.” – Peter O’Toole.

“The moustache did the acting.” – Anthony Hopkins on Howards End.

“It’s very difficult to get 100 million people to watch anything,” – writer-director Joe Russo.

“I gave him a little part in Looper, where he got to be shot in the face by Bruce Willis. He was just so overjoyed… like a little kid.” – director Rian Johnson on his father.

“I'm not an actor - and I've got 64 films to prove it!” – Victor Mature.

“If you cast it right, you don’t have to tell the actors what to do.” – John Huston.

CCC CLIPS

>> Name Game. James Spader really started something with his Blacklist series. He played – remember? – Reddington. And now we have Austin Butler and, Emma Stone are in making Eddington… and newbie Glenn Powell is Huntingdon, his tenth gig since Top Gun: Maverick. Perhaps it’s time to re-issue Carrington… with, among others, Steven Waddington!

>> Christopher Nolan says “No, sadly no – no truth to those rumours.” About making the next Bond. So, no Cillian Murphy as Jimbo, then?

>> Rolling Stone. Those Poor Things, Emma Stone and Willem Dafoe, are – naturally – in the next release of their Greek director Yorgos Lanthimos. It’s Emma’s third Yorgos collaboration. Most likely she’ll be in his next one, too, a re-make of the South Korean hit, Save the Green Planet. That was a comedy. But one can never categorise a Lanthimos experience. After all this one was first titled… And.

>> Taylor Swift’s guy, US football superstar Travis Kelce, is making moves on movies. To be as famous as Dwayne Johnson. Although people are now beginning to ask: Dwyane Whosis?

>>Brandon Routh was Superman back in the day. Today he’s in…Ick.

>> A star sure was born! Lady Gaga now getting $10million for Joker 2…

>> Sean Ono Lennon says Emma Stone should play his dad. Now there’s a thought. After all, Cate Blanchett played Bob Dylan…

>> Sly Stallone has come this far without bothering with serial killers but that’s what he’s chasing in The Epiphany. He plays a retiring cop - what else at 78?

>> Thirty years after the first, Neve Campbell returns in Scream 7. She refused #6 over a money row…

>> Beatles director Sam Mendes made Skyfall and Spectre and another actor who has played John Lennon, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, might yet be the next 007…

>> Ryan Gosling tipped to be join the Marvelverse. (They need him more than he them). Henry Cavill may follow – so definitely no Bond then. Not after Argylle. If anyone witnessed that accident, could they call the appropriate authorities.

>> Will Smith comes back (or so he hopes) in an almost suicide squad blasting drug dealers in Sugar Bandits… while Colin Farrell settles for just Sugar – back to his usual smoothie looks after The Penguin…

>> White Lotus 3 resurrects Parker Posey, Walton Goggins, Jason Isaacs, Charlotte Le Bon, Scott Glenn and introduces Patrick Schwarzenegger. But which one is going to flash…something?

CHAMPION'S LEAGUE

The battle for the top spot between Marlon Brando and Jack Nicholson has – I think – come to an end. Recently, we‘ve seen Marlon leading Jack by one or two movies – and then, almost immediately, vice-versa. The gap is much wider now between the former Mulholland Drive neighbours. Latest research dug up more titles for Jack - Mr Mom, A Christmas Story, Striptease, The Bicentennial Man, Expend4bles – so that he is now safe (?) at the top of league with 177 films he chose not to make compared to Brando’s 172. But you know - you never know…

(The full list of their huge lists of bypassed films are not on their pages for now - one of the hassles being tackled in our - yes, very slow! – restructuring).

Marlon Brando – 177
Jack Nicholson – 172
Paul Newman – 160
Cary Grant – 150
Robert De Niro – 140
Tom Cruise – 135
Dustin Hoffman – 126
Mel Gibson – 118
Sean Connery, Al Pacino – 117

Highest Brit remains, as always, Sir Sean at 117… followed by Laurence OIivier, 93; Richard Burton, 87; Peter O’Toole, 79; Elizabeth Taylor, 73; Peter Sellers, 72; Dirk Bogarde and James Mason, 68; Olivia De Havilland, 58; Vivien Leigh and Gary Oldman, 57.

Highest lady is Bette Davis, 97; Jodie Foster, 84; Michelle Pfeiffer, 81; Katharine Hepburn, 79; Julie Christie, 76; Meryl Streep, 75; Elizabeth Taylor, 73; Nicole Kidman, 72: Jane Fonda, 70; Julia Roberts, 68.

Younger Brigade: Johnny Depp 108; Leo, 75; Jim Carrey, 70; Madonna, 62; Natalie Portman, 57; Aishawarya Rai Bachchan, 40; Bridget Fonda, 36: Scarlett Johansson, Angelina Jolie, Uma Thurman, 35; Jake Gyllenhall, 33: Ben Affleck, 31.

(You'll find the full list at Champions in the Main Menu)

A BOND MISS

Is Léa Seydoux now a spy…or, to be more polite, a talent scout for Eon Productions? 007’s girl in both Spectre and No Time to Die appears to assisting the (rather quiet) search for the next Jimbo. In La bête (The Beast), one of her many new French films, Léa co-stars with Hammersmith’s George MacKay - Sam Mendes’ find for 1917. He learned French for the film, so this may not be his last Paris booking.

As Gabrielle and Louis, they work extremely well together as star-crossed lovers in three time-lines: 1904, 1914 and 2044. And he looks the business in his retro tuxedo. ‘Twould be fascinating to cast an eye over her report for Barbara Broccoli’s eyes only. On verra as Léa (and now even George) would say. We’ll see.

SHE SAID

“You need your parents to set boundaries and hold you accountable and keep you away from, like, weird people.” – Scarlett Johansson on surviving as a child actor.

“I was so deeply in love with Bella, it terrified me not to live up to her as a character. I felt like I was failing her in the first week, and failing Yorgos [Lanthimos]. ). It was just difficult. I could talk to him about it, but I couldn’t talk to her about it. “ – Emma Stone on making Poor Things, leading to her second Oscar.

“Everything was so beautiful up on that screen. That make-believe world was much more pleasant than anything I was experiencing. I didn’t like reality. I wanted to be in the movies, even though I knew I didn’t look like the other women on the screen. My mother said, ‘you better learn to type,’ but I didn’t listen. Somehow, some way, thank you God, it all came true.” – Barbra Streisand, receiving lifetime achievement honour from the Screen Actors Guild.

“If I arrive at a moment in the history of cinema where I am legally obliged to have some kind of police on my set telling me what I’m allowed to do, I would rather stop filming sex scenes completely.” – French director Mia Hansen-Løve.

“I’m not one to sit around doin’ nothin’, I would never retire, I’ll just hopefully drop dead in the middle of a song onstage, someday, hopefully one I’ve written.” – Dolly Parton.

“Playing it safe doesn’t necessarily get you anywhere. You have to take chances. especially if you’re a black woman. You have no choice.” – Halle Berry.

“The more famous an actress becomes, the less she's allowed to eat.” – Lana Turner.

“I don’t do T&A very well because I haven’t got much of either.” – Tea Leoni.

“I was an idiot in terms of career-building, but I had a great time.” – Sally Kellerman.

“As you get older, you realise your parents aren't these superheroes. They're actually people.” – Rumer Willis, daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore.

“Everybody thought I was crazy. And by the way, I thought I was crazy.” – Jennifer Lopez on spending $20m of her own money on making This Is Me … Now: A Love Story.

“It’s dangerous to repeat performances. It becomes the sole thing on your gravestone.” – Helen Mirren on playing The Queen in The Queen and on stage in The Audience.

“I think I was offered every Marilyn Monroe script ever. I was like: Is this the end of the road creatively?’” – Scarlett Johansson on surviving as a star.

WAIT & SEE...

This is such a busy year for movies that various releases have been postponed until 2025… Captain America: Brave New World, Bong Joon-ho’s Mickey 17, Games of Thrones spin-off The Hedge Knight (not about a gardener), Ke Huy Quan’s actioner With Love, John Wick’s spin-off, Ballerina, Fast X :part 2, Avatar 3, Jurassic World 4, Black Mirror 7, Mission: Impossible 8, Fantastic Four, Superman and the dreaded Michael bio – more like horror film, surely. Oh and no The Batman 2 or Harry P TV series until 2026.